Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Humility and sleep

There is something utterly humbling about being a person who needs sleep.

When I go to bed, it is like I am admitting defeat. I am putting my head on the pillow, and somewhere out there:

-my friend from church will be offering up prayers at least until midnight if not after.
-my coworker from school is going to do a grueling workout because she was too busy earlier.
-my mom is sleeping but will be up hours before I am.
-several thousand people around the world are practicing violin.
-an old crush is out with friends.
-my brother is starting his 976th book ahead of how many books I've read.

but I have to go to bed because if I don't I will not teach well.

(can you tell I'm a little unhealthily competitive?)

And my worst enemy is my own head. I have judged others. I had a friend in college who (it seemed to me) napped all the time. And I resented it because I never had time to nap. But she simply asserted that she needed the sleep, and I knew it didn't affect her self image a bit (like it would have affected mine.) I have judged people that needed to sleep and skip a church meeting. But now I'm experiencing the proverbial 'four fingers pointing back at myself'. (Remember that comeback from when we were, like, eight?)

I can't do everything I want to do, I have to sleep. I fall asleep and, BAM, eight hours of NOTHING being accomplished. Eight hours of my life.

"all men are like grass..."

I have no strength. A very small percentage of the ministry or creative ideas that come into my head will ever get accomplished. I just have to trust the Lord, that the job he has for me on this earth, will get done, because HE is sovereign.

"In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety."

As a side note, I have been letting my diet and exercise slip lately, and I think if that gets under control I may start needing less sleep. We will see.

"Oh Lord, the way of man is not in himself. It is not in man who walks to direct his own steps. Correct me Lord, but with justice. Not in anger, lest I come to nothing."

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